It is the usual story. Until yesterday all was swell and easy. At exactly 11.02 pm I printed out the last two iTunes jewel case covers. Then today I was getting ready to do a couple of test prints for some majorly important (…) photographic projects. And what happens? Yes, you have guessed it, Murphy’s law struck again. It is precisely when you urgently need to print an airline ticket/a photograph/a college submission that you either a) run out of paper, b) run out of ink or c) receive this lovely little flashy message:
“The waste ink absorber is full. You need to replace it.”
Flash, flash, flash. As if to tease me. A search on the internet yields a plethora of frustrated messaging board conversations along the lines of “You can’t replace that yourself”, “Just clean the tubes that the ink runs through”, “Buy yourself a new one” and “Printers are only meant to last for two years. You need to replace them when the ink absorber is full.” Ahhh. So, similar to the Beemer that needs replacing as soon as the ashtrays are overflowing? I decide to give it a rest and return later.
Several hours later. I have suitably calmed down and am willing to give it another try. Better research the procedure of cleaning the ink absorber. I must have typed in a vaguely different search query, because this time Miss Google offers me a different array of useless recommendations. But, heck, when desperate, you will clutch at any straw. And so I decide to go for the most ridiculous looking recommendation. I might as well, before I f*ck the thing out! So I follow the instructions religiously:
1. Turn off printer
2. Hold down Resume button and press Power button.
3. Keep holding down Power button and let Resume button go.
4. Press Resume button 2 times then let BOTH buttons go.
5. Green lights will flash and then stop blinking.
6. When green lights are solid, press the Resume button 4 times.
7. Press the Power button and the printer should turn off, if not,
press the Power button once more.
Probably not a coincidence that this recommendation has seven steps! Seven! 7! Magic number, you see. Just for good measure I put on a little bit more mascara for a slightly more witchy look, light the incense stick and get a few spider legs and toad warts for good measure. Shit, I haven’t got any suitable soundtrack. A little humming will have to do. You never know.
I do as has been spoken to me by the great God of technological wisdom. The green light has flashed a last time. With shaking fingers I place some waste paper in the appropriate paper tray. I softly hum a kind of generic *ommm*; whatever is there to decide if this is to be or not to be, might be swayed by the timbre of my Pagan trance voice.
Click – clock -swish – swish – swish.
It worked. The printer prints again. I am converted. Take me as your latest disciple, oh great omniscient God of all things printer-y. I will never swear at my IP2000 again or doubt your existence. Printer Mumbo Jumbo rocks!